JUST IN CASE
You lose a friend or family member
While the death of a family member or close
friend can be one of the most difficult things to cope with in life, you need to
know that the grieving process is an important stage in your attempt to regain
your stability, improve your mental and physical health, and reestablish your
normal living patterns.
Experts agree that the stages of grief are
denial, anger, depression, and then gradual recovery. Going through the stages
of grief can be difficult at times, but the grieving process itself is a healthy
one that aims to balance one’s attitude toward the loss. Be open to the
support and sympathy of friends and family members. You don’t need to go
through this process alone. Don’t become paralyzed by disorganization and
despair. Remember that although you will never forget or stop loving the person
you lost, you won’t mourn forever.
Strive to maintain caring relationships with
all members of your family and your friends. Remember that each of them may be
experiencing the same range of feelings that you are and may be undergoing
significant stress. Such stresses can manifest themselves in sadness, guilt,
anger, jealousy, behavior problems, and sleep disorders.
Grieving and wellness may seem unrelated, but
unresolved grief often leads to illness and always leads to a decline in
wellness. Wellness is defined as a condition in which the physical, emotional,
mental, and spiritual dimensions of our being are balanced so that we can use
our energy effectively in pursuing our goals. Loss of a loved one upsets the
balance and reduces our energy. Grieving is the process of restoring our energy
and affirming our goals.
In the physical area, exercise and nutrition
are extremely important. Emotional wellness is dependent on having someone you
can talk to without having to apologize for your feelings. Learn how to identify
your feelings to yourself and others. Strive for mental wellness by learning to
keep a positive image of the loved one in your mind. Spiritual wellness is
achieved by keeping in touch with your source of energy perhaps through
meditation or prayer. Also, helping others who need you can be very beneficial.
Recognize that whatever you think, feel,
question, or believe is acceptable. Don’t make excessive demands or impose
rigid restrictions on yourself. Communicate tolerance, compassion, and love.
Live through your grief. As you slowly heal, work for balance in yourself in
your permanently changed world.
Below is a list of recommendations that you
should consider after the loss of a loved one.
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Anticipate panic, anxiety, and periods of
depression so that you won’t be alarmed when they occur. These are all
normal and common emotional reactions to significant loss. |
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Recognize personal stress symptoms of
fatigue; irritability; isolation; sudden mood swings; and major changes in
sleeping, eating, and sexual patterns. Learn to take care of yourself even
when you don’t feel like it. |
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Realize that your friends may grieve in a
fashion similar to or quite different from yours. Don’t imagine them to be
cold or uncaring if their moods don’t match yours. |
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Seek out self-help groups. You aren’t
alone in this problem. |
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Anticipate feelings of sadness on your
loved one’s birthday, at holiday time, or during other special times. |
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Realize that there is no right time to feel
happy or sad. Your feelings are legitimate. Learn how to recognize and
handle them appropriately. Keep from victimizing yourself with guilt. |
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Avoid making major decisions while unduly
stressed. Get help in discussing these decisions if they require your
immediate attention and can’t be delayed. Be wary of people who would take
advantage of your vulnerability at this time. |
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You are entitled to breaks. Going out and
resuming social contacts doesn’t mean that you have abandoned your loved
one. Don’t feel pressured to live up to the expectations of the community. |
